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The Stock Market TodayCategory: Miscellaneous (Rated 5.30 out of 10 on the funny scale by Funnybox visitors)
In the Stock Market today, Helium was up, feathers were down, paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. The Aerospace industry skyrocketed to new heights, and Theme Parks went on a bit of a roller coaster ride. Knives were up sharply.
Cow steered into a bull market. Delta Airlines fell disasterously, and other airline suffered turbulence as a result. Investors lost their shirts on clothing manufacturers. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged. Viagra rose noticably and stayed strong all day. There was an early run on Tampons, but it dried out in late trading.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Peanuts were mixed.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.